Mr. Swana emerges from Ole’s garden hedge naked, well, caked in mud and leaves. He creeps slowly, but ever so gently up Ole Anderson’s drain pipe; in complete silence Seb Swana glides his wary wet feet over furry carpet. He opens Ole’s bedroom door, and softly pulls back the sheet, then BAM Seb drives his sharp bladed instrument deep into Ole’s heart...but OH NO! It’s Jesus! NO! SWANA KILLED JESUS! Then, to add insult to the injury, in a flash of green light Seb is abducted by mentalist probing aliens from Swindon!!! Yes, there’s a Swindon on mars... As for why Mr. Swana wanted Ole Anderson dead...well...uhh...a sock with a face told him to do it. And yes Mr. Swana does have access to a time portal to the 40’s; it’s under the appletiser machine in the canteen.
When Ole Anderson returned home from the pub to find Jesus, stone cold dead in his bed his thoughts were
“Shit! Where’s my galoshes!” But Ole was soon to realise that his galoshes were at the laundrette after that horrific accident at the local sperm bank!
“Omg! Jesus is dead! LOLZ!” shouted Ole in realisation.
“What darling?” called Gary Glitter from the kitchen.
“Jesus has been Stabbed” Ole replied, with a mild tone of sexual frustration... the sight of a naked Jesus with the evidence of an alien abduction just happened to be his fetish.
“Oh, good riddance, I hated the way his constant dioreah would just suddenly erupt like a brown fountain of holy justice” replied Gary Glitter.
Gary and Ole proceeded to dance naked on the lawn.
The furious naked dancing was violently interrupted by a burst of machine gun fire from a nearby car... it was that damn John Prescott again, he was always firing one off at them.
But luckily Barrack Obama emerged from the future in his green Nissan Micra to save their day!